


the shape i'm in

by justsomerain



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Acceptance, All Your Faves Are Trans, Dysphoria, Established Relationship, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 14:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5630371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsomerain/pseuds/justsomerain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe Dameron has known for as long as he can remember that whatever he is, Resistance, pilot, he is not a man, for any given value of that. Not that it particularly matters, he’ll still accept his name the way it was given to him, and with as many languages as there are, “he” doesn’t particularly worry him either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the shape i'm in

Poe Dameron has known for as long as he can remember that whatever he is, Resistance, pilot, he is not a man, for any given value of that. Not that it particularly matters, he’ll still accept his name the way it was given to him, and with as many languages as there are, “he” doesn’t particularly worry him either.

The bigger issue is his body, most days. There are times where he’s perfectly fine with the way it is, the dark shadow that appears on his chin during the end of the day, the way the hair on his chest sometimes curls over the neckline of his shirt, the general maleness of it.

But more often than not, he would trade all of that for a body with softer lines, wider hips and smaller shoulders, a chin that doesn’t require a shave after only hours, even if he’s also not entirely sure that he’s a woman. Can he be neither, but more woman than man? 

He’s pretty sure he can.

That doesn’t make it much easier, because even though it’s possible to change his body, he’s afraid, because what if he ends up being wrong about it? What if it turns out it was a... a phase (a little long for a phase, buddy), or he wants this body back?

So he doesn’t, and it pains him, and he keeps it mostly silent, only a chosen few knowing about it, including Jess with whom he grew up, and with whom he occasionally swapped clothes as a kid.

When Poe meets Finn for the first time, he offers him a name, and the other man seems surprised as anything to be given a name, like he’s never had anything like this to himself, something as simple as a name, as if it’s a lifeline of sorts binding him to reality.

They laugh and grin at each other, and for a moment Poe can believe that if there are things like Stormtroopers defecting from the First Order, that he can be happy being who he is, without changing a thing.

Rey is another one of those moments, that impulsive hug during their first meeting, and the way she looks at him after their introduction, and things are just a little easier with her there, and with Finn there.

Despite the way the three of them have grown together, he keeps it silent, until the time Finn takes off his shirt without scruples, revealing a chest that’s less thickly behaired than his own, but even through the dark hair he can see two horizontal scars running over his chest.

Finn spots him looking, and Poe looks away, ashamed, even though he’s never felt ashamed staring at Finn while he’s still dressed, but not before he sees the man shrug.

“I had breasts.” His voice, as ever, conveys only openness, frankness about who he is, no rancour, or anything that shames Poe for staring. “Not anymore.”

And with just that, Finn jumps into the water, a divebomb solid enough to splash Poe and Rey who are still on the water’s edge, Rey looking at the lake somewhat warily, because where Poe was taught to swim by his parents, and it was basic training for Finn, Rey had spent her life in a giant desert.

She has her arms crossed over her chest, frowning at Finn in the water.

Poe looks at her, and even though she doesn’t as much as glance at him, she smiles, and he knows it’s a smile meant for him, as if she knows he’s frowning as hard as she is, only stuck in his own head.

"Not like it matters. Who needs a gender anyway.”

And with that she darted to shallow water, to splash Finn with water.

Somewhere in the back of head a little voice piped up.

_Well you know, Jedi are apparently very wise masters, full of unexpected wisdom._


End file.
